Dr. Jason Johnson

Professor of Political Science. Politics Editor for The Root. Latest Book: Political Consultants and Campaigns: One Day to Sell

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Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh Blames Feminists for His Small “Package”

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I usually ignore the random crazed comments from Fox News commentators, Ann Coulter, Michael Savage or any of the other flame throwing members of the knuckle-headed punditocracy. However, Rush Limbaugh is in a category unto himself. The guy manages to provide absolutely insane quotes at least every few months that are worth some pixels. But this time I think he’s outdone himself, this is better than “Barack The Magic Negro” or even “Sandra Fluke is a Slut”, this time Rush shared a little about himself. He told us that he has a small penis, and it’s all the feminist’s fault.

Last Friday El Rushbo was filling time on his show by talking about a new study by Italian Scientists that shows the size of the male penis has shrunk by almost 10% in the last 50 years. The scientists lay the root of this nationwide shrinkage to pollution (mixed with lack of exercise, poor diets and the like). Rush however, was not convinced, here is an audio link and his full quote.

“If size matters, male private parts are shrinking, according to a new Italian study on sexuality. […] The study’s leaders claim to have bona fide research that says the average size of a penis is roughly 10 percent smaller than it was 50 years ago.” And the researchers say air pollution is why. Air pollution, global warming, has been shown to negatively impact penis size, say Italian researchers.

I don’t buy this. I think it’s feminism. If it’s tied to the last 50 years, the average size of a member is 10% smaller in 50 years, it has to be the feminazis. I mean, the chickification, everything else. Give ‘em time and they’ll blame Bush. Give ‘em time. But air pollution versus feminazis? Ha.

Now I know that liberals are all having a field day with this quote, claiming that Rush was projecting about his own inadequacies. And as funny as it is to play armchair psychologist I think it’s pretty obvious that Rush was actually kidding in his quote. Of course, none of this really speaks to the larger issue of why he; or scientists seem so occasionally obsessed with penis size to begin with. That’s a bigger story than what the Clown Prince of the Right Wing might actually be packing underneath his microphone.

I’m not a urologist, but honestly I’ve never been able to find a serious explanation as to why “scientists” are always obsessing over the size of men’s penises. In particular a bunch of Italian scientists. Maybe it’s because crotch grabbing is such a cultural norm amongst Italian men that over time they’ve noticed that Granpa had a lot more to grab than kids today? Well it turns out that even the government has been trying to crack down on the ubiquitous member manhandling of Italian men, (An act which anthropologists have found originated as good luck protective gesture) so maybe studying the penis has become more important. But Rush isn’t Italian, so how do we explain his male organ obsession?

It’s pretty simple actually, Rush is obsessed with penises, and slutty co-eds and the whole like perhaps NOT because his twig and berries are decidedly unimpressive (which they may be) but because he’s having trouble “holding his mike”. Remember back in 2009 that Rush got busted at the airport for having illegal non-prescription Viagra in his luggage on his way back from a weekend in the Dominican Republic. He tried to play if off by saying “How did Bob Dole’s luggage get on my plane?!” but we all knew what was going on then. The KING of the EIB network is suffering in silence from ED and just can’t help but lash out at all of the sexy, nubile women out there that he can no longer offend due to “small membership” on Team Rush. Finding out that penises have gotten smaller and blaming it on the women’s movement is just another way for him to come to grips with this problem. That’s okay though, I think he’s only got a few steps left before full acceptance and recovery. It might be wise for Rush to realize that it might not be feminists or even pollution that have caused his limp biscuit, but all those years of illegal Oxycontin use. All he has to do is ask Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, he talked pretty candidly about all the things Oxy will keep you from doing. And if it makes you feel any better Rush, Tyler’s half Italian.

This article originally appeared online at Politic365.com.

Dear Rush Limbaugh: Forget Batman and Bane, ALL Comic Book Movies are Political Conspiracy Theories

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Rush Limbaugh has finally figured it out. He uncovered the vast Left-Wing/Hollywood/Obama conspiracy that has been secretly baked into the release of the much anticipated Dark Knight Rises film Thursday. One Tuesday Rush told his audience that the villain of the film “BANE” who breaks the Batman’s back is just a liberal leaning Hollywood slam against Mitt Romney and his “BAIN Capital” connections.  You’re right Rush, you snuffed out Chris Nolan and Barack Obama’s nefarious plan. And they would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you and your pesky dog.

Needless to say political pundits and comic nerds like myself, are having a field day with this story. First there are the obvious facts like, the BANE character and storyline came out in 1993, back when Romney was supposedly still working at Bain Capital and Obama and Michelle were newlyweds. If Obama and his Hollywood pals can make film and political predictions 20 years into the future they really are superheroes.  More importantly BANE gains his superpowers through injecting himself with a series of chemicals that enhance his abilities. Mitt Romney is a highly advanced robot that has the ability to simulate a regular human. Totally different skill sets. Either way, this got me to thinking, what other Super Hero films have come out over the years that were obvious plugs for one candidate or another?

2000: X-Men

This movie was so totally in the tank for George Bush. The whole movie focuses on a guy with a wild past who swears he totally doesn’t remember anything the he did but nonetheless deserves a chance to be part of the most powerful team on the planet. We could believe that Wolverine totally forgot his past as a hired killer and we believed that George Bush totally forgot that he spent the 80’s drunk off his ass and doing lines of coke with his other yuppie friends. Oh and by the way both guys receive mentoring from an old balding white man in a wheelchair.

2004: Spiderman 2

Clearly if you went to this film you were suckered into voting for John Kerry. Think about it, the whole film is about a geek with a girl that is totally out of his league desperately trying to live up to his abilities. Like you didn’t see that John Kerry who married into Theresa Heinz’s money struggled the whole campaign with finding a way to use his political experience and military background for good? Crafty liberals! Too bad in the end he was too much of a softy to win the final battle.

2008: Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, Hancock

Now 2008 gave us a ton of Super-hero movies, two were Pro-Obama the other was Pro-McCain. You’ve got Hancock about a black superhero with an interracial background who needs the help of his plucky side-kick to become the world’s greatest hero? I bet that David Axelrod was up for the Jason Bateman role first. The Incredible Hulk? Obvious! A man seeking ultimate power who has to control his temper to find the hero within? Obama had to prove to the world that he was not the “angry negro” in order to get elected. And the most obvious head-slapper of them all Iron Man. The story of a privileged guy who ends up a POW, gets injured, learns the error of his ways and decides to give back to the world the best way that he can? Tony Stark = John McCain.

Yes, most movies express social and political philosophies but to when you start assuming that a film project that began in 2010 was carefully crafted to negatively affect a presidential challenger in 2012? Holy crazy conspiracy theorists Batman. Rush should stick to calling law students sluts and waging his super villainous one man “war against women”. He certainly would couldn’t cause Romney any more harm doing that.

This article originally appeared online at Politic365.com.

Louis C.K. and Rush Limbaugh Are Not in the Same League

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You know what the difference is between a comedian and a politician? Okay, I’ll make it easier: what is the difference between a comedian and a political pundit or satirist or journalist? I know these are hard questions to answer because as you move from a Dick Gregory to George Carlin to Chris Rock to Dennis Miller things can get a little confusing right?

Well, I have the answer for you.

The difference between comedians and political pundits is that COMEDIANS ADMIT WHAT THEY ARE DOING. They acknowledge that they’re going for a laugh, poking fun at someone and taking a piss at whatever the political issues are at a given time.

Political pundits on the other hand, especially on the right, seem to pick a role whenever it suits their political interests. And all of this amounts to me not getting to see Louis C.K. at the Radio and Television Correspondents Association Dinner.

I’m not happy about it.

Not that I was going to personally show up at the Radio and Television Correspondent’s Dinner, anyway. But, the event tends to provide some very good television highlights and clips afterwards. This shouldn’t be confused with the famous (or infamous) White House Correspondent’s Dinner which always features some major comedian like Seth Myers, Don Imus, or Stephen Colbert; the RTCD is a smaller less prestigious affair, but none the less brings out some of the biggest names in Washington.

The Bush Administration just loved this award dinner and prominent figures often took the stage of tell jokes, roast one another and liven up the event. I’m sure that thousands of U.S. soldiers and Iraqis got a huge belly laugh when Bush joked about not finding Weapons of Mass Destruction in 04’. And who can forget when Dick Cheney joked about beating that whole “Shooting his friend in the face” rap in ‘06.

And speaking of rap, I’m still waiting on the remix of Karl Rove spitting hot fire with an impromptu rap on stage in ‘07.  Obama hasn’t been since 2009 and the organizers felt they could add some punch and excitement to the night by having one of the best comedians out there, Louis C.K., as the keynote humorist for the event.

That is, until Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren jumped in.

Susteren wrote on her blog that she would not attend the event because of offensive comments that C.K. made about Sarah Palin during a stand-up routine 2 YEARS ago. While Louis C.K. has apologized on several occasions for calling Sarah Palin a ‘c**t’ (among other things), that wasn’t good enough for Van Susteren who called for a boycott of the event and compared Louis C.K.’s comments to Rush Limbaugh’s “Slut” monologue a week ago.

All this because … well, let’s see: the comments of a stand-up comedian about a specific politician should be weighed equally with the comments of a long term political pundit who called women with employee-covered birth control “Sluts” … who should post their sexual behavior online for the world to see.

If there were ever a “False Equivalency Olympics,” the Republican Party would win every gold medal (or gold plated metal, y’know because it’s basically the same thing.) The GOP leadership and talking heads are famous for trying to compare their own outrageous supporters’ behavior, sloppily comparing it to some non-equivalent Democratic action.

Examples? Joe Wilson yells at Obama during a State of the Union address and GOP talking heads say that’s no worse than Democrats calling Bush a “War Criminal.” Thing is, no Democratic elected official ever said that to Bush’s face during a public event – in the entire 8 years he was President.

But, the false equivalency Olympics gets even better the more extreme the behavior is. During the hottest part of the Healthcare Bill debate in 2010, dozens of Democratic members of Congress received death threats; but Republicans attempted to spin it into a discussion of reengagement on both sides of the aisle. A coffin was placed on the front lawn of Russ Carnahan (D-MO); bricks were thrown through campaign offices of Democrats; Black members were spat on and called racial slurs; and, in one instance, a Tea Party member attempted to sabotage the gas lines of Tom Perriello (D-VA), all because they were voting for Obama’s Healthcare bill. But when someone shot through the window of Eric Cantor’s campaign headquarters in Richmond, VA, suddenly Democrats were extremists and had to be stopped at all costs.

Greta Van Sustren succeeded in her task. Louis C.K. dropped out of the event citing that he didn’t want nor need to be involved in the political controversy. And while I am a big fan of Louis C.K. and this is a loss to the dinner, the bigger loss is in the perpetuation of these false equivalency arguments by the right.

Louis C.K. is a comedian. Jon Stewart is a comedian. Bill Maher is a comedian. These men may have political leanings that they explicitly state, but their goal is to make jokes first; and political commentary second. It doesn’t work too well when you try it the other way around.

When Rush Limbaugh, Don Imus and the like make offensive statements, suddenly they are no longer political analysts or journalists with professional obligations – they are re-cast as humorists or satirists that are misunderstood by those they target with their ‘humor.’ Hopefully, Greta’s indignation about being in the same room with a comedian like Lous C.K. will also result in her boycotting a whole slew of right wing events where Rush Limbaugh will appear. But somehow I doubt it. They’re both playing for the same team.

This article originally appeared online at Politic365.com.

Keith Olbermann and the Death of the Left

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Like many Americans, I was absolutely shocked last week when Keith Olbermann abruptly announced that he was leaving his “Countdown” show on MSNBC. With no advanced warning MSNBC’s highest rated show and most popular personality was leaving the small screen. Olbermann’s departure brings us some serious questions about the future of the MSNBC network but more importantly the future of the progressive left on cable news networks.

“Countdown” with Keith Olbermann premiered on MSNBC eight years ago and had steadily gained in popularity, viewers and influence from day one. Olbermann, who had previous stints at ESPN and MSNBC, seemed to have finally found his niche with a show that was political, witty and the most overused of commentary phrases ‘irreverent’. In all honesty, it was an irreverent show, with Olbermann doing something that no one had ever seen the left do before on a cable news network.

Bill Clinton once lamented that there really wasn’t a “Rush Limbaugh” for the left and he was right. While liberals have done a pretty good job in Hollywood and even on editorial pages in certain big city newspapers, on radio and television they’ve failed miserably. “The Daily Show” and “Colbert Report” are great but the hosts will readily admit these shows are comedy first and news commentary second.

Air America radio died a painful death a few years back after desperately trying to sell liberal talk radio to the masses. Any investor who thought Americans would want to listen to the nasal diatribes of Janene Garofalo and Al Franken deserved to lose their shirt. When it comes to television, Rachel Maddow and Ed Shultz have been able to keep themselves alive thus far on MSNBC, but they are really clinging to the anchor of Olbermann’s show, which not only was the ratings leader at MSNBC but transformed the network as a whole.

Why is it that liberals can’t figure out television in the same way the conservative producers have at Fox News?

The formula is simple, but not many people fit the bill. Like them or not, guys such as Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are funny and creative in their shows. Whether through parody songs or out and out mocking, they give their audience something to laugh about. Olbermann was the only liberal commentator out there who could honestly make you laugh out loud while criticizing Bush for the War on Terror.

Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly know how to brand themselves as regular guys with predictable sketches, and Olbermann’s “Worst Person in the World” segments were some of the most memorable and relatable elements of his show. Most importantly, a good political commentator has to be willing to fight, to get dirty to speak truth to power and sneer in the face of criticism. Beck has no problem attacking Obama, not just on policy but his character and values. This may not always have been the most polite public discourse, but it’s catharsis for his fans and viewers.

Liberals are constantly frustrated that it seems like their leaders never want to fight. At every turn the Democratic-led Congress caved in to Bush’s war plans, and Obama is quick to capitulate to the right, but not Olbermann. He was the one liberal out there who was funny, passionate, informed and willing to fight. Whether picking a personal fight with Bill-O or counting down the days that Bush failed to end the war in Iraq, “Countdown” with Keith Olbermann was the red meat needed for a liberal crowd that was tired of going vegan when it came to political commentary.

It was Olbermann’s passionate defense of liberal views that finally gave MSNBC an identity, as the anti-Fox News. As his show rose to prominence, MSNBC overtook CNN as the second most watched cable network to Fox News during many time slots. So why drop the man who saved your network, gave it an identity and had your highest ratings?

Perhaps it is because MSNBC is being purchased by Comcast. Perhaps it is because Olbermann was a difficult guy behind the scenes,, or maybe reasons we haven’t heard yet.  Regardless of the reason, the left is now without a spokesperson, again, and no amount of stern lectures from Rachel Maddow or bombast from Ed Schultz can replace the wit, poetry and creativity of Olbermann.

While MSNBC casts itself as the Fox News antidote with their new motto, “Lean Forward,” they apparently weren’t willing to bend over backwards to keep their most talented personality. Proving once again why the conservatives will always win the air wars.