I usually ignore the random crazed comments from Fox News commentators, Ann Coulter, Michael Savage or any of the other flame throwing members of the knuckle-headed punditocracy. However, Rush Limbaugh is in a category unto himself. The guy manages to provide absolutely insane quotes at least every few months that are worth some pixels. But this time I think he’s outdone himself, this is better than “Barack The Magic Negro” or even “Sandra Fluke is a Slut”, this time Rush shared a little about himself. He told us that he has a small penis, and it’s all the feminist’s fault.
Last Friday El Rushbo was filling time on his show by talking about a new study by Italian Scientists that shows the size of the male penis has shrunk by almost 10% in the last 50 years. The scientists lay the root of this nationwide shrinkage to pollution (mixed with lack of exercise, poor diets and the like). Rush however, was not convinced, here is an audio link and his full quote.
“If size matters, male private parts are shrinking, according to a new Italian study on sexuality. […] The study’s leaders claim to have bona fide research that says the average size of a penis is roughly 10 percent smaller than it was 50 years ago.” And the researchers say air pollution is why. Air pollution, global warming, has been shown to negatively impact penis size, say Italian researchers.I don’t buy this. I think it’s feminism. If it’s tied to the last 50 years, the average size of a member is 10% smaller in 50 years, it has to be the feminazis. I mean, the chickification, everything else. Give ‘em time and they’ll blame Bush. Give ‘em time. But air pollution versus feminazis? Ha.
Now I know that liberals are all having a field day with this quote, claiming that Rush was projecting about his own inadequacies. And as funny as it is to play armchair psychologist I think it’s pretty obvious that Rush was actually kidding in his quote. Of course, none of this really speaks to the larger issue of why he; or scientists seem so occasionally obsessed with penis size to begin with. That’s a bigger story than what the Clown Prince of the Right Wing might actually be packing underneath his microphone.
I’m not a urologist, but honestly I’ve never been able to find a serious explanation as to why “scientists” are always obsessing over the size of men’s penises. In particular a bunch of Italian scientists. Maybe it’s because crotch grabbing is such a cultural norm amongst Italian men that over time they’ve noticed that Granpa had a lot more to grab than kids today? Well it turns out that even the government has been trying to crack down on the ubiquitous member manhandling of Italian men, (An act which anthropologists have found originated as good luck protective gesture) so maybe studying the penis has become more important. But Rush isn’t Italian, so how do we explain his male organ obsession?
It’s pretty simple actually, Rush is obsessed with penises, and slutty co-eds and the whole like perhaps NOT because his twig and berries are decidedly unimpressive (which they may be) but because he’s having trouble “holding his mike”. Remember back in 2009 that Rush got busted at the airport for having illegal non-prescription Viagra in his luggage on his way back from a weekend in the Dominican Republic. He tried to play if off by saying “How did Bob Dole’s luggage get on my plane?!” but we all knew what was going on then. The KING of the EIB network is suffering in silence from ED and just can’t help but lash out at all of the sexy, nubile women out there that he can no longer offend due to “small membership” on Team Rush. Finding out that penises have gotten smaller and blaming it on the women’s movement is just another way for him to come to grips with this problem. That’s okay though, I think he’s only got a few steps left before full acceptance and recovery. It might be wise for Rush to realize that it might not be feminists or even pollution that have caused his limp biscuit, but all those years of illegal Oxycontin use. All he has to do is ask Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, he talked pretty candidly about all the things Oxy will keep you from doing. And if it makes you feel any better Rush, Tyler’s half Italian.
This article originally appeared online at Politic365.com.