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Putin to Obama: Sex Buys You Votes

March 1, 2012

Black women are Barack Obama’s political bread and butter. I’ve been writing for months that his whole campaign is just a re-seduction tour: he’ll buy flowers, sing, and say whatever he’s got to say to get sistas back into that voting booth.

A whopping 98% of eligible Black women turned out to vote for him in 2008 (highest turnout amongst all voters nationally) and if he can spit that old school Barack game again he knows he’s cruising back to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in November. Do you really think him singing “Let’s Stay Together” was a coincidence? I don’t know a black woman over 45 who didn’t think of having those two verses as her ringtone on Valentine’s Day. Just like Barack planned it.

But, despite all of his ‘mack you back to the voting booth’ skills Obama has nothing on Russian President- for- life Vladimir Putin, who has brought more than his “A” game to the ladies of Russia in his bid to be re-elected.

Last fall when Putin’s United Russia party was doing pretty poorly in the polls they pulled out all the stops (and then some) to attract young voters and women back to the polls for December 4, 2011 parliamentary elections. With the slogan “Let’s Do it Together,” Putin’s party ran a televised ad showing a young hip couple having sex in the voting booth to ‘celebrate’ just how excited they were to vote for Putin. Mind you, it was a fairly quick celebration, but I guess the point was made because the United Russia party managed to maintain control over the DUMA, Russian’s lower legislative house. Clearly seeing that sex sells, Bad Boy Putin is gunning for the ladies again with his latest ad which is even more direct.

The Russian presidential election is on March 4th. Vladimir Putin is planning on making himself president again and you’re going to like it. His latest commercial features an innocent looking college co-ed seeking out a fortune teller to discover her future:

Here’s a direct translation of the ad for those of you who weren’t paying attention in Russian class:

“We’ll find out, little beauty, who faith has in store for you.”

“You know, I hope it’s for love.” Blink-blink-blink. “It’s my… first time.”

“The carrrds will tell the truth… I see it will be for love… without deception…” 

A Putin card is revealed.

“Wow. It’s him!”

“You’ll be happy with him. He’ll protect you like a stone wall.” (Or something…)

And the kicker:

Putin. First time — only for Love.

Dayum! Vote for Putin and he’ll deflower your college co-ed daughter? And if this time it’s for love what does that mean for folks who voted for him last time? What’s next, his campaign slogan: “Let’s Do it Together” and Putin winking at the audience as he goes into a brothel?

Much as I’d like to slam Putin for being the dictatorial political animal that he is, I can’t entirely knock his hustle. He’s going to win re-election and he’s learned that selling sex is one way to get folks back into the polls even if they weren’t feeling you anymore. Obama might want to try the same route. The president needs to hook up with fellow Chicagoan R. Kelly, get Diddy to lay that old Biggie track and then use some smooth lyrics to explain why Black women voters should get back into the voting booth with him despite all his broken promises, compromises and failed attempts at reform. I can hear the opening now:

…And another one…Here’s another one….

You must be used to stimulus spendin’

All that compromisin’ and tryin……

You know the rest. And if you don’t, don’t worry about it, Obama will keep spitting lines until he can get you back into the booth. The president may not be as bold as Vladimir Putin, but I think he’s got it in him to go the extra mile to get you back into the voting booth this fall.

This article originally appeared online at Politic365.com.

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  1. Lena Dunham Goes Russian for Obama « Dr. Jason Johnson

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